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1/30/10 04:44 pm

People don't see God's love.
Everyone seems to see all this stuff that they DON'T like in this world.
People don't seem to see everything that's AMAZING.
People, frankly, are spoiled and can't see what they are given and only want more more more instead of being thankful.
Look at this world.
Everyone I've ever heard whining has food. Surplus food. Too much food. THANK GOD you have such wonderful and healthy food!
And shelter! And companions!

People tend to bash mankind for being the only known animal to have wars. But I see so much potential from that.
Animals have been known to stay together, wolves for example, but none that I know of will band together and help other they have no previous knowledge of. And if it is seen throughout the animal kingdom it's quite rare.
But what an amazing overlooked aspect of mankind! We can unite! In war, people unite against another people for a similar purpose.
And there are people who band together to stop war. And people give up their homes for others and donate money and supplies for people they will never know anything about. Sports, music, jobs, plays etc all require the utmost cooperation between individuals. 

We are given a great capacity for love and union. People see natural disasters such as hurricane Katrina and wonder how a loving God could allow such atrocities. They even go as far as to say that it's a fallacy to say that an all loving and all powerful god can exist if such things exist. And then they'd point to the terrible way people reacted with thievery and everything else that went down. But they tend to forget all the wonderful things. So many people came to help. So many prayers for people were given. Shelters were put up everywhere for everyone. Everyone was forced to band together and work and love one another selflessly in order to survive. I find this exciting and amazing. How can one NOT see the love and compassion and brilliant work done here to give mankind this sort of capacity? And who is to blame but ourselves if we choose such a gift for evils?

We can choose to find joy in serving others and helping others; it's build in us to have this kind of relationship with people. That is such an amazing thought to me!

---

Another thought:
I was thinking of secular music. Is there secular music? There is music which has no religiosity in it. It may not have any sort of thought towards God at all. But it is utilizing all of his creation. From the brilliance that is music, to his consciousness, to his[possibly] strength with words and possibly his collaboration with others. And this music is given because of observations made of his creation using senses the writer was given by God. And suppose this song is recorded. What a miracle that we are able to do such things, and that the human mind is capable of such creative and brilliant inventions! How is this secular?

And that of music written with specific spite against God or specifically denying his existence? Well I find this an ironic situation. They are using all the beautiful creations and inventions of God to spite him.

That's like writing a letter to Apple on a Macintosh using Appleworks to tell Steve Jobs she thinks his products sucks and she hates him. It makes no sense. It's an ironic, hilarious, truly sad thing to realize how many people do this.

---

Which brings me to my last thought:
How many times do we use things, such as Apple products, with no regard to those who make them? All the time. Do you use your computer and think of all the people who came up with the sciences to make this even possible, to all those who took the elements, to those who turned the elements into materials, who used those materials to construct the designs which were created under the mind of those who thought up the original idea. And to those who slaved over the program and then let it out for you to use, are you ever grateful to them? Regardless of why these people did/do these things [money, joy, others] aren't you grateful that they DID/DO them? And yet we never think or are grateful, we never take the time to write a letter to thank those for all that they've done for you.

Instead we find ways to criticize or we just completely take this all for granted.

And how often do we thank God for everything he's done? For all the brilliance that is around us? We just take it all, are rarely grateful, and demand more. All this is done after we complain about what we are given too. How backward is this thinking that seems to plague us?

1/25/10 05:03 pm

I contemplated putting the entire chapter on here, but then thought that, if someone were truly interested in this passage, they should look it up themselves. Even if just on the internet.

Psalm 25

Verses 4-7 seem to actually command God to show him the correct way to live. There are such incredible amount of chooses and options we have every single day. Most the time I try to use my own logic. I think through things and rely on my knowledge and wits to come up with a decision. This is really absurd though. There are so many things that part of the situation that I have absolutely know idea about. When i try to work things out my own way, there is ALWAYS a possibility of screwing up and it just feeds on my already too thick pride.

Verse 9 says that he "leads the humble to justice." A clear sign that one must be humble. One must submit before God. God's first commandment to man was to not the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Knowledge of good and evil.. and after they do.. they discover that they are naked and decide that it's not right. God never told them that! They used to live by listening to God's instruction and knowledge, and the fall of man is when mankind started to rely on their own knowledge.

The rest of the psalm is about the power of God. How can forgive his sins and all the stuff he's done wrong in the past, and how he will help him through all trouble.

1/24/10 10:13 am

 I've decided to go on a walk at least almost everyday. Walks really get me excited. Like yesterday, I had on my sunglasses and they are more tinted at the top. This made the blue sky behind the clouds start from majestic and melt into fluffy. I got so excited about that I could hardly stand it. I don't even know why. And that's the most artistic I've felt... since I can think at the moment...

Right now I'm not real artistic or clever or really into writing at all because I'm blah. haha I started überman sleep schedule again and it's rough. I'm feeling better though so we'll see. I've also done tons of devotions and just haven't put them up here.. :/ I plan on doing that.

1/23/10 04:24 pm

 On my walk today I saw several separate groups of kids. Nearly every kid had some type of wheeled transport whether it be a bike, scooter, board, or roller blades. Literally every single block had different set of kids playing some outrageous game. First came nostalgia, then entered more curious thoughts.  Do these kids realize how many other groups of children are out there? I don't remember many kids except my group of friends. Do they ever explore past their territory and into that of another's?

 And I thought.... I don't remember being restricted in land. I remembered traveling from cul-de-sac to cul-de-sac, up and down the bike path, and all throughout T Street and Lawnridge... which makes me come to the conclusion that we must have been the kings of that entire territory, and that territory, being kids, was our entire universe.

1/19/10 08:48 pm

 Sitting in Writing 122 I realized something. One reason that really really really bugs me about is the issue of love. They claim to be full of love. All they do is for love. They claim that they are looking out for the common man. I even saw a video of some videos of hippies against logging and one lady wanted to make sure that a trucker driver knew she wasn't mad at him. But let me tell you, she did NOT love the people in charge of the logging. And if she did/does, she has shown a TERRIBLE job of it.

When reading Gandhi's "Letter to Lord Irwin" I fell in love. From the get go Gandhi says that he has nothing against the Englishmen. Some of his best friends are Englishmen. He just believes that the actions are evil. He makes it clear that he has no quarrel with them personally and he makes makes a list as to why he thinks they are behaving wrong and why he has gone so far as to demonstrate civil disobedience. Near the end he makes it clear that what he is doing is trying to establish friendly negotiations. He concludes with a note that he is not trying to cause embarrassment and that if Lord Irwin feels that there is any part of the letter that should be changed, that he can delay publishing it and talk to Gandhi about it. Then he says that "this letter is not in any way intended to be as a threat but as a simple and sacred duty peremptory on a civil resister. So he is not here to threaten anyone, he is just warning that there will indeed be civil disobedience so people will be aware.

WOW Now THIS I can tell that he loves the other side. He not only says it repeatedly, but he uses such nice language towards them. He tells them that he wants them to change and what the need to change and why.. but that he means no harm and he will do whatever he can to prevent harm from them but still achieve Indian freedom. And then he does it. 

1/18/10 10:11 am

 OH MY!! What a gorgeous day!! AAHHHH Thank you Martin Luther King Jr for letting me enjoy the entire day of it!! :DDDD
I shall make the absolute best of this day for sure!! ahhh!!

1/17/10 10:41 pm

 hmmmm I got called in to work today. It's Sunday. Sunday's are the worst. You come in and the whole restaurant is trashed. Then we're really busy for one busser, but not quite enough for two, so the one busser gets rocked. And, of course, the same people who worked dayside are there at night so the load in the buss stations is unrelenting. And again, this is my day off. 

Well, I decided that it didn't matter. Again, I don't see why the physical stuff around us gets to change our attitudes so I was like whatever. And it was crazy at work. We were busy and things were a mess. But I actually enjoyed it for the most part. How come?
 
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/13871/13871.txt

That's a link to four dialogues from a 17th century monk, Brother Lawrence. Brother Lawrence is my hero because he found joy in doing even the most menial tasks because he did them with the Lord.


"Men invent means and methods of coming at God's love, they learn rules and set up devices to remind them of that love, and it seems like a world of toruble to bring oneself into the consciousness of God's presence. Yet it might be so simple. Is it not quicker and easier just to do our common business wholly for the love of him? "

"Nor is it needful that we should have great things to do.. we can do little things for God; I turn the cake that is frying on the pan for love of him, and that done, if there is nothing else to call me, I prostrate myself in worship before him, who has given me grace to work afterwards I rise happier than a king. It is enough for me to pick up but a straw from the ground for the love of God."

Oof, i have got to start these right before bedtime. :/ I have so much more to say.

1/16/10 12:17 pm

 Yesterday day my friend [Ilena] told me that I wasn't quite as happy as when she first met me. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I figured it was just the stress and work of school. I didn't really care that much because I was still fine and fairly happy. The next morning I miraculously forgot to do two homework assignments and study for a test. I had already gotten an incomplete assignment and a late assignment in one of these classes and I had to write a full essay and a page post on moodle as well as two comments on moodle [moodle moodle] all by midnight! I was not pleased. In fact I was rather stressed. Sometime walking to class I was like.. wow.. Since when has it become okay to let things of this world [particularly things you can't change and even more so when it doesn't really matter] control your mood? Freaking Paul was in prison most of the time while he wrote the New Testament and he, while sad and lonely, claimed to still have joy and peace within himself. And I realized that I had not spent tons of time with the Lord the past month or so. When I tried to read the Bible I would just fall asleep on my bed and I was barely thinking about him or anything of the sort throughout the day. 
So after my test I went on a short walk outside. I cleared my thoughts and gave myself to the Lord. I said that I wasn't going to worry at all because i knew that he would take care of it if I just let him. The rest of the day was AMAZING. I went home and worked on my essay until I had to go to work where it was very busy and hectic and then back to bed where I worked on my essay until my nap, after which I worked on my essay until I had to go to work again.
I was completely happy and peaceful the entire time.
:]

More to come today.

1/14/10 10:48 pm

 My hand hurts from a result of a crash and I'm tired and bed time's soon.. so there won't be much to this post.

I just got done playing Donkey Kong Country for the SNES. I've played 44 minutes and I'm already on the 3rd world. The levels seem so short. It's so insane how easy and fast it is now. Playing Super Mario for the Wii is interesting.. it's actually pretty hard! I wonder how much of it is not being used to the Wii... I also wonder if the games are harder. Perhaps for older audiences.. but I think also that it's because younger kids play SO many more video games that they can/need to be harder! 

I feel the rest is implied so I'll leave it to your imagination.

1/14/10 04:44 am

 Alright, due to my sister's begging, I have decided to pick up writing a journal entry once a day. 

Hmm this past month I've been such a slacker. My sleeping schedule got all mixed up, not because I was too tired to stay awake, but because I was just too lazy to get out of bed. I've been sort of trying to stop for a little while but laziness just takes over. Babo. So I've come up with some strategies. First, I'm going to take a shower or eat as soon as I get up. This forces me to do something to wake my body up.

Next I have created a checklist. On here is a list of things I need to get done everyday. There aren't times for when and how long I must do them, but they work down from most important to least. The first is cleaning my room. I'm going to make sure I spent 2 minutes a day cleaning my room so it's always nice.

Then I have homework. I have decided to be a somewhat exceptional student this year. What I mean by that is to study the material like crazy. I'm going to work on solfeggios and musictheory.net every day so I really gain mastery of these. I'm going to do homework every night so I don't procrastinate until the last night. 

Then I have instruments. I'm going to place small daily and/or weekly goals for piano and guitar. That way I actually achieve something and it feels more worth while when  practice.

I'm also making sure I read at least a few times a week.

Fin.

12/19/09 10:17 pm

In my snowglobe room
I'm safe within my self heated igloo.
Delicate wet pattering,
calms and releases
as does the warm glow before my eyes

9/6/09 10:51 pm

Fresh ocean air running against my face.
Wind: whipping wild from the west while I watch several waves wash inward, whistling away slowly in a soft, silvery sound.
Blinding beautiful sun gleaming over the water
and across the sand.
My inner warmth
defeats the outer chill.

9/4/09 10:39 pm

So here I am.
In my room surrounded by two strangers.
But who is a stranger to me?
And who, on this earth, could possibly NOT be a stranger?

The windows are shut to keep the sweet smell of berry incense swirling amidst my room.
Aromatic?
or
Cancerous?

The moon is something special tonight.
Or perhaps
the more correct way
to say that would be
my view of the moon is something special
for does the moon change?
Or does the moon ever not change?

A thin travelling cloud
moves across the moon.
The moon shines
through the sheet as if
there were none
and creates a strange 
orange aura surrounding itself
as a forcefield protects
its creator.

What does the moon need
protection against?
What would dare 
harm the moon?
What has so little a heart
as to harm the moon?

It's beauty 
glows for all
never selfish
alway selfless
The moon does not
over shine with arrogance 
like the sun
The moon does not 
keep all its glory
like a rock
The moon shares
its light
and its magnificence 
while not overpowering
or pushing itself upon anyone
it sits...
beautiful...
waiting...
for us to admire 
by our own will.

 

5/4/09 10:37 pm

The Bible is just a book of words. It is a book of words written by man under the influence and direction of God. Yet it is still just a book. Still just a compilation of words. The Bible was not written until thousands of years after Adam was created, and even just the laws given to Moses wasn't until thousands of years after Adam was created. This shows that the Bible is not what's important. For thousands of years, people were able to obey God and live according to how he wants us to. 
I think that many people take the Bible as Christianity. The Bible IS God. This is crazy. The Bible is God's WORD. What is a word? Words are nothing. If I say I'm going to run... it means nothing. Words describe. The word 'bird' is not a bird. It simply points to a bird. 

The Bible is not God, it is simply his word. If we take the Bible and read it and memorize it and love it.... it means nothing.
What we need to do is to love and worship GOD... not his word.

Now, his word can be helpful. We must listen to him and we can learn how to get to God, how to find him and live with him. But finding out how to live is not living. God is not the Bible, the Bible simply directs us towards God.
We must realize this.

 

2/19/09 11:12 am

James 1:19-25 talks about how when a person looks into a mirror, they do not forget themselves.
Why does one look in a mirror?
Do look for anything that they'd like to change about their appearance. It would be pointless to look in a mirror and then forgot all about it.
Why do it in the first place?
We should look in the Bible [and God and all situations in life] as we do a mirror. Look at how we can improve and then remember this and improve.



Joby today said that every week he would have a 'donut' day with one of the kids. This last week was with Micah. He asked Micah what he thought some things he could improve as a daddy were. His son said that he wished he still snuggled with him, wished that he helped out with school more, and that he wouldn't get so angry at them.

Joby could have responded with something like, "Well if you would just behave I wouldn't have to get angry!" But that would defeat the purpose. He knows that he needs constant reminding of how to correctly behave. 

I am going to start asking people how I can improve. Like at work. I am going to ask what things I can do better or things I can do less of. And I have to be open to answers. I need to get past my pride and take in the criticism to create 'constructive criticism'. 

2/8/09 06:42 pm

 rrrrrrrrrrrrrarg.
I need to not be selfish.
I need to not be scared.
I need to trust in God.
I need to learn to wait.
I need to look past fear to be able to wait in order to not be selfish and I can only do it with trust in God.

2/8/09 06:26 pm

"It's not that she doesn't care, it's that it doesn't affect her."

2/8/09 05:58 pm

 I'm watching a movie about heartbreak [High Fidelity].
I don't know if this is mean or not, but I feel better.
:/
Now I don't have quite as much heartache but I feel guilty.
Sweet.

2/3/09 12:08 am

             Here is the paper I had to write for my eastern religions class. And wow. I'm writing about eastern philosophy [in which I was practicing] and am reading haikus and drinking tea. Geez I feel Asian. Haha But I swear I'm not one of those crazy Japanese wannabes. I love America!

            "... I have been writing poetry all this last week. I am getting very into the haiku. One of the wonderful things about haiku is its common usage for little more than speculation of nature; it’s not generally a huge display of inner feelings. The poet that I look at the most is Matsuo Bashō. Matsuo Bashō was a practitioner of Zen and put forth this feeling of relaxation that I feel very close connected to wu wei. I am dealing with some personal issues [sorry, they are personal pal] and I wanted to write poetry. Nothing comes out though, so I decide to go for a walk instead. I feel very much like going on a walk. Immediately upon entering the outside I see the sunset and a stream words run through my mind. I reenter the house and write them in a small notebook. It comes out a beautiful haiku, at least the first two lines. I sit on bed trying so hard to write a third line, but feel nothing. Eventually I give up and just force a line in and feel very unsatisfied with the result. Later I start struggling with the personal issue again, so I hop into my truck start to drive. I have no idea where I’m headed. I just drive.
            I end up at my favorite coffee shop, The Beanery. I pull up and walk inside the shop feeling instantly better. I really do love this place. I order a pot of tea and sit down at a small table for two. I pull out my small pocket notebook and open up to the last page I’ve written on. There I see two wonderful lines, one a perfect five syllables and another a perfect seven. And below these cowers one last line. A five-syllable catastrophe. I turn the book over and lay it on the table in disgust as I pour myself a cup of tea.
            The tea tastes so wonderful. It warms up my body and entire soul. I look around and notice a kid sitting in front of me reading a newspaper. Then I look at two ladies to my left catching up on all the important gossip. I look down at my notebook. I go back for another sip of tea. Then I grab the book and take another glance at the poem. Suddenly I realize the ending. “Gazing at the Heavens.” It is a 6-syllable phrase but it is perfect. I can’t help but smile at the glorious poem that rests in front of me. I close the book and finish the tea. On my way home, I sing to all the songs of a CD that meant nothing to me on the drive over.
            When I get home I get on the computer and notice a girl named Elizabeth is on. She is going through pretty much the exact same [personal] situation as I am and had actually wanted to go with me before I’d ever left. [Wherever it was I was headed]. I now feel very free and very relaxed. My mind is no longer cluttered with the thoughts it was before. Unfortunately for the poor girl, the thoughts remain.
            I look at this situation now and notice that I had moved with the flow of life. I stopped trying to force write poetry, I stopped trying to force finish a poem, and I stopped trying to stop thinking. I just took things one step at a time. I took a walk because I was restless in my room. I went for a drive because I was restless even after the walk. I planned no destination for either, but instead went wherever I was naturally ‘led’. By doing this, I wrote and finished a poem and was able to relax and clear my thoughts. And no effort was put forth whatsoever. I did not try to achieve any of this. I had hoped for a clear mind and good poem, but that is not the reason for the direction I took. [It wasn’t this assignment either, but possibly some of your teachings had become implanted in my brain?] I took those actions because that was what I felt I ‘should’ do. It felt like that was the way the current in the river was flowing.
            If I had not gone with these instincts, I can guaranty that I would have ended up like Elizabeth, completely in the same situation as before. In fact, it’d probably have been worse as I would have tried to stop these bad feelings and create a poem by forcing them against the grain of the wood as apposed to with it."

2/1/09 09:58 pm

aarrrrrrgggararagargargarlkjsdf
I can't stop thinking about myself.
That's all I do and I am at wits end at how to stop and on the brink of going crazy every time I realize I think it's all about me.
lrlrarrrrrrrrrrrr
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